Transgender Black Soy-Boy Hippie Beta Cuck Marxists!

“These are transgender Marxists — transgender Black Marxists — who are seeking the overthrow of the United States and the dissolution of the traditional family,” Bachmann said in the interview...while discussing the Black Lives Matter and anti-racism protests taking place around the country.
—NBC News

Former Representative Michele Bachmann

Look around you at the lawlessness you see unfolding, Brian. People standing up and demanding respect. Respect, Brian! Regardless of their bodies, or their jobs, or their nationality. It makes me sick, Brian, the idea that I, a God-fearing American Christian woman, have to treat others with respect, and am not free to feel reflexive revulsion at other human beings. Or shoot them in the face.

All these terrible people are coming to destroy the America you’ve loved your whole life! They’re coming with their liberty for the oppressed, and their sustainable agriculture, and an economy where people actually get paid for their work. Sick-making, truly. What’s going to happen to us good, normal Americans in the coming years when we can’t get rich off others’ labor? Total anarchy, Brian, that’s what’s going to happen!

Think about it. What happens if they make things more fair for Black people? What happens if Black people don’t have to hide from police in routine encounters, for fear of imminent death! Why, these Black people might come to the police and report it when a White landlord screws them on the rent! They might trust authority enough to not let abusive people run over them! Madness, I tell you, madness.

Letting transgenders participate in the marketplace. Blasphemy. I can’t imagine anybody being able to order a McPatty from a teenager without an immediate, implicit understanding of their teenage servitor’s genitals. Just think about what will happen if you need your air conditioning repaired, and you spend the whole time wondering about what your repairman… repair woman?… what they have in their pants. Just imagine. I’m imagining it right now.

Former Vice President Joe Biden

These children, with their deviant bodies and warped minds, they need to get with it, Brian, big-time. In the America I grew up with, we understood our genders from birth. Men were real men, and women were real women, all the time, even in their sleep. And if we did sleep, and we had that recurring dream, you know the one, about Kathleen, the checkout girl from the Piggly-Wiggly with the long red braid, and we… um… we dreamed… Do we have any water?

What were we talking about? Oh yeah, if we had that dream, Brian, we killed it with alcohol, like our mothers before us.

I grew up in an America where all people knew and understood their place. We worked hard to achieve what we gained from life, Brian, we didn’t half-ass our way through violent confrontations with armed police dressed like Sir Lancelot, breathing tear gas and dodging rubber bullets, like some pantywaist Communist peacenik. Let me tell you, I worked hard to make sure Kathleen got that promotion to work under my supervision! On the night shift…

Man, it’s hot in here.

Nowadays, these spoiled children think they can demand rights that my ancestors studiously worked to deny them. Marriage? Pshaw. I’ve always believed marriage is between one man, one woman, and the mutual doubt and recrimination they carry, bolstered by the guilt over having kids at an absurdly young age. My kids have been an absolute blessing to me, Brian. They give me someone to talk with when the nights drag on interminably.

Yeah, the nights get long, Brian, because my husband is such a dedicated volunteer in our community. He’s out every evening, providing free counseling and a hot meal to some of our city’s lost, desperate transgender street children. He makes me proud, Brian, he really does. Sometimes he’s out all night counseling these trans kids. And when he stumbles in around sunrise, with his clothes rumpled and smelling like nicotine, I’m proud of the good he does our town.

This kind of lawlessness, where we treat people with respect, oh my God. Seriously. If I’m not free to pass immediate and binding judgement on complete strangers for their lives and their bodies, I might as well live in Soviet Russia. Because that’s where we’re heading, Brian, complete Soviet takeover of our morals. What the hell, I might as well book the flight right now. Kathleen? Could you bring my purse over here, please?

Oh, yeah, Brian, have you met Kathleen yet? She’s my… um… she’s my personal assistant!